I confess I was eager to get through my work this morning so I could read the next chapter in Alleine’s Sure Guide to Heaven. Now – not quite so sure!
You see, I have this notion that when I read the puritans, I will be elevated to soaring plateaus, from where I can see all of God’s glory laid out before me – like the writer is a sort of spiritual Lewis and Clark. They traverse the land and map the features to which one should pay particular attention – then I can come along and hit the highlights and feel better about things.
But it turns out, you can’t approach reading the puritans like you’re riding a train at Disneyland. You don’t get to sit in your nice little seat whilst the driver motors round a track designed to show you the things you want to see, whilst hiding the things you don’t want to see. Turns out when you read the puritans, you’re as likely to see the behind the scenes stuff where it’s all nitty-gritty and, can we say, real – and not the shiny facades that you expect to see.
In fact, you may even find your train wrecks on your nice little ride and you’re dashed to the ground, dazed, confused and wondering quite where it was that you decided to sign up for a ride like the one you just had!
What does this have to do with my reading? Simple…
I opened Chapter One expecting a Disneyland tour of salvation. You’ll recall that Alleine hinted that he would set out to show us what salvation is. Between yesterday and today, I forgot about the plan to show that in the negative first – that is, what it is not, before turning to what it is in a positive sense.
So I was expecting a nice little Disneyland tour through salvation where I could smile benignly at the sights, nod with passing familiarity at the landmarks we’d encounter in our fun tour of SalvationLand. I was NOT prepared for the train to jump the tracks, careen into a disused siding and dump me out in the miry muck of my own sin.
- Conversion is not the taking upon us the profession of Christianity.
- Conversion is not putting on the badge of Christ in baptism.
- Conversion does not lie in moral righteousness.
- Conversion does not consist in an external conformity to the rules of piety.
- Conversion is not the mere chaining up of corruption by education, human laws or the force of affliction.
Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips! Paul said he was the chief sinner of sinners. I venture he was using hyperbole because I know my own wickedness and I far exceed Paul in sin and corruption. Even if we were equal in wretchedness – Paul was a great mind and used greatly of God. I throw out a few chairs on a Saturday and annoy most people I know.
Alleine makes it painfully clear, in excoriating detail, that it’s nothing that we DO that can bring us into right relationship with God.
In short, conversion does not consist in illumination or conviction or in a superficial change or partial reformation. An apostate may be an enlightened man (Heb vi 4), and a Felix tremble under conviction (Acts xxiv 25), and a Herod do many things (Mk of 20). It is one thing to have sin alarmed only by convictions, and another to have it crucified by converting grace. Many, because they have been troubled in conscience for their sins, think well of their case, miserably mistaking conviction for conversion. With these, Cain might have passed for a convert, who ran up and down the world like a man distracted, under the rage of a guilty conscience, till he stifled it with building and business.
Others think that because they have given up their riotous ways, and are broken off from evil company or some particular lust, and are reduced to sobriety and civility, they are now real converts. They forget that there is a vast difference between being sanctified and civilized. They forget that many seek to enter into the kingdom of heaven, and are not far from it, and arrive to the almost of Christianity, and yet fall short at last. While conscience holds the whip over them, many will pray, hear, read, and forbear their delightful sins; but no sooner is the lion asleep than they are at their sins again. Who more religious than the Jews when God’s hand was upon them? Yet no sooner was the affliction over, than they forgot God. You may have forsaken a troublesome sin, and have escaped the gross pollutions of the world, and yet in all this not have changed your carnal nature.
Ouch! I came expecting a smile and a nod at some pretty conversion truths and left with a severe doubt of my own salvation! Ok ok – now I’m being hyperbolic – but if this chapter does not cause you to sit up and take sound notice of your sinfulness, and drive you to a sincere and earnest evaluation of your own state – then there is something wrong with you. Am I deluding myself into hell? Worse, am I misleading others? Sobering thoughts from Alleine.
Tomorrow I will be much better prepared for the train.